Year: 1985
Song: “Tears are Falling” by KISS
It seems so early to repeat a band, but it’s so early to go on a hiatus so…¯\_(ツ)_/¯. HEY. I’m back, and so is Paul Stanley.
Two years after taking off the makeup, everyone is looking quite a bit more comfortable, especially Gene, though one still gets the sense he’s doing it because to make Paul happy, which is beautiful.
By this time, Vinnie Vincent has returned to his home planet with a lot of material to present to overlords. He’s been replaced by Bruce Kulick, who spends the bulk of this video doing his very best “Gene Simmons after you put him in the dryer” impression.
Now, if you’ve ever taken a psychology class, you are probably familiar Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. First we need our physiological needs taken care of, then our safety, then needs relating to love and belonging, then esteem. Once those are all taken care of, self actualization occurs. It looks like this:
All I want in my life is to rock anything with the kind of confidence that Paul Stanley is rockin’ those fringy gloves and shoulder pads. And do so with half the joy he does.
In the video, KISS plays a team of contractors trying to help a woman spice up her drab house, make it a little more rock n’ roll. It’s so drab, she doesn’t even notice Paul Stanley standing in the corner. Clearly, she doesn’t have unagi.
[There’s also a coffee cup in this video because it turns out that this particular era of KISS perfectly explains everything about the Paul Stanley Folgers ad, right down to the acrobats. If anyone wants to see some scholarship on this, hit me up.]
Anyhow, their plan is to turn her home into a dystopic jungle because, as you remember, that’s very in for this season. Who doesn’t want a drawbridge in their living room, and clearly the floors are great for when you want to do your Molly-Ringwald-dancing-in-The-Breakfast-Club impression.
It’s not an easy task, though. It’s hard.
It’s climb-an-invisible-rope-swing hard.
It’s cry-an-invisible-tear-hard.
But all those television sets in the living room are going to look so great when the cable’s hooked up, trust us.
And just wait till you see how they revitalize the shower!
It’s pretty obvious that Eric Carr needed to be the point person with the client, though. According to Wikipedia, “Carr earned a reputation amongst fans for being unusually friendly and approachable. He answered more mail than other band members, and often added messages to his autographs.” I mean, of course he did. Look at him. He looks like the kindest soul in the world. Someone you want to eat cupcakes with and leave special trinkets in his glorious hair for him to find later, so that he thinks of you.
Sadly, as per usual, KISS is way ahead of their time and the client is just like, but I don’t want my living room to be a sauna and I don’t want an indoor sprinkler system, and I want my shower in the bathroom, and I really need like, two TVs max. And we can definitely finish this conversation once I figure out where you put my robe.
And Paul’s all, that’s fine and I get it, but I don’t really think you should be overly critical until you see the volcano. David Lee Roth, come at me, bro.
In the end, they compromise on everything except for the sprinkler system, which I think is fair. It really ties the room together.
Her unagi, however, is still lacking.
If you have a favorite video to recommend or something you only remember a flash of that you want me to help track down, leave me a comment!
Amy Rossi 